sky high poetry

i saw a ghost today.
not like, a casper or a poltergeist or even a demonic spirit.
no, something much scarier than that.
someone that i hadn't seen in THREE YEARS.
i don't even want to think about the girl i was three years ago...
...but i do, a little bit.
she looked so different.
no bangs, no sense of style, no confidence, either.
only one nose piercing
and her eyeliner that i know took over an hour
is sloppy and uneven.
she is obviously, glaringly unhappy.
the sun hits my face and i am brought back to the present, to the person standing 20 feet away from me on the train platform.
should i go say hi?
i give them one last glance.
no, if the universe wants me to run into them, i will.
i don't.
i see these ghosts everywhere. 
friends of friends of friends, instagram stories, even my dreams aren't safe.
they send a chill down my spine
reminding me of how things once were. 
dark, grey, dull, lifeless
people pleasing to keep people around
getting wasted to drown out the misery
crying myself to sleep and barely able to wake.
wild, young, free, clueless.
searching for something
ANYTHING
to make me feel real again.
summer nights out on the lake under the stars
tears and laughter and hugs shared between people i'll never see again.
or i will, on the train platform
or as a number in a groupchat, that i never really forgot
or maybe they're the cashier at TJ Maxx.
i hate ghosts
but i love them, too.
they remind me of who i am now
bangs, style, confidence
three nose piercings
eyeliner sharp as a knife
so happy, outshining the sun.
i miss everyone i left behind
grieve friendships that died and the memories that linger.
but the community i've found
the love
encouragement
myself, my power, my peace
make sure that while i will always see ghosts
they will never haunt me.


Designed with WordPress