sky high poetry

do you ever look back at an old photo of yourself and cringe?
i do - or, used to.
how jarring it is, to look yourself in the eye and not even know who you're looking at.
who is that stranger staring back?
it might be me, i don't know.
she looks like me
but she doesn't at all.
same color hair, same eyes, everything from our lips to our hips to the tips of our fingers, are identical.
but seriously, who IS that?
it's 30 degrees and she's drinking iced coffee.
i take my coffee hot and i like waking up early to see the sunrise -
she's...asleep until 1pm?
i am loud, bold, i take up space
(only slightly apologetically)
and she only knows how to make herself small,
quiet,
unassuming
(VERY apologetic).
so at first i cringe
this girl who is me but no, she isn't
is a shock to my system.
and then
i remember
i wouldn't be me without her.
she took up writing at 15, lonely and desperate to feel anything
so i could start again at 23, happy and free and excited
to feel everything.
she picked up a makeup brush at 20,
and though her hand was shaky and her wings, uneven
she's the reason my hands have become so steady.
she lost herself at 21
so i could find myself.
so to all the past versions of me,
i don't think you're cringe and you are no longer a stranger
you're the reason i speak my truth, 
calm my mind,
choose my peace.
and though i may not recognize you
i know you.
i know you, i thank you, and most of all
i love you.