sky high poetry

i’d call myself a lover girl.
i fall hard, fast, and i let love consume me like fire consumes a california forest.
but there is no one falling with me –
i fall hard, fast, and hit the ground with a splat.
i want to be hand in hand with someone
but my hands are as cold and as empty as they’ve always been.
love is everywhere.
my friends and their partners
the street
the internet
but nowhere for me.
my bed is empty.
i don’t have a shoulder to cry on or
someone to hold or
lips to kiss.
lover girl, lover girl
who wants someone to see her with the same hearts in their eyes.
but i’m a lonely girl
who can’t even get a text back.
i want late night laughter, mornings in someone’s arms, sharing secrets to lessen burdens, i want LOVE.
not desire
not attention
not crumbs or scraps
i want a full plate of scrumptious love served on a silver platter.
“it’ll come when you least expect it!”
“there’s someone for everyone”.
“you won’t find it if you’re looking”.
will you shut up?
i’m tired of waiting, of looking.
what if there isn’t?
you’re boo’d up so stop with the bullshit.
to be a lover girl, it might seem fun and flirty and exciting
until you realize giving love is easy but getting it back?
impossible.
lover girl, to be a lover girl
what a curse it is.
except…is it really?
is it really a curse to find love everywhere i go
to find it in the sky, in the trees with their golden leaves
in a cup of coffee, a conversation
everything i touch sends sparks flying.
i walk this world alone
without someone to hold or lips to kiss
but love is everywhere.
in my friends who will always lend me their shoulder to cry on
in my quiet small town where strangers become friends
in my mother’s hugs, my charlie bean’s big bright eyes
in my own gentle touch, the soft sensation of a fluffy brush against my skin, a stroke of black eyeliner.
so yeah, my bed is empty
and he still hasn’t texted me back
but i’ll keep falling hard, falling fast
the world is falling with me.
and when i hit the ground i might still be alone
but i call myself a lover girl because i find love everywhere,
in everything,
everyone.
lover girl, lover girl
alone but never lonely.