sky high poetry

1,504.
that's how many pictures i've taken of myself this year.
maybe that sounds conceited
or self-obsessed
or straight up narcissistic
but i'm just making up for lost time.
you see, there was once a girl'
who hated herself so deeply, spit vitriol at her mirror image
let her acid thought corrode her brain and cried after getting her picture taken
because she'd never be pretty like her friends.
she facetuned her photos, to hide the
scar on her stomach, slight yellow of her teeth, her round face and chipmunk cheeks.
she hated herself
despised herself
and it ate her alive,
until she felt dead inside.
i wish i could go back in time
and tell her she's beautiful, with her
golden eyes, warm smile
her freckles that dot her face like stars do the sky.
little girl, little chipmunk cheeks
one day, you'll look in the mirror
strike a pose
do a dance
because you like what you see, LOVE what you see 
and it. feels. so. good.
no more editing, 
hiding,
crying. just you
you and me.
i'll love you from another timeline
the way you deserved to at 15, at 18, at 21.
1,504 may seem excessive
but i have 3,652 days of hating myself to make up for
(i'm not even halfway there).
so fuck yeah, i'm conceited
a little more than self-obsessed, vain, narcissistic
whatever you want to call it.
it's the least i can do for chipmunk cheeks.

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