sky high poetry

4:23 pm.
sunlight streams in through the floor length windows of store #533.
i feel trapped.
the sun should brighten my soul, touch my heart with her warm, golden rays
but i'm cold and empty as if it were raining instead.
this dark tunnel i'm encased in is never ending.
is it, though?
or am i just too afraid to look for the light?
it's right in front of my face. 
but you know what they say about staring into the light; too risky.
the truth is
i am no stranger to risks
throwing caution to the wind
saying "fuck it"
that's how i've ended up drunk in the passenger seat of my own car
in an empty parking lot with some guy i barely know
blacked out on a lake saved only by a swan floatie.
but if i were to stare into the sun, let her light turn me gold
my whole life might change
and that is a risk i am terrified to take.
i'll risk my health
my safety
my dignity
never my comfort. 
but what IS comfort
if i'm so dull that even in the sunshine, i am still cast in shadows?
there is a light at the end of my tunnel
far away, but ever so bright
in its gentle glow my fears are smaller, softer, gone.
change can be terrifying 
but i'm not scared anymore. 
because if the light is calling, begging to be felt 
why not listen for once?
10:23 am.
light streams in through the cafe's front window, where i sit with my coffee. 
i open my phone to stare at my reflection 
just to be sure there's no nutella on my face.
she stares back;
warm and golden in the sunlight.  

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